Our journey so far

I thought I would take some time out to write about our TTC journey so far.

Evan and I were married in December 2006 but he deployed in January 2007 so we had to put our baby making plans on hold until he got back 15 months later. Now I always felt deep down that we would have problems conceiving. My cycles have always been long and irregular – sometimes lasting 14 days or not happening for 2 or 3 months. Since Evan was deploying, I took myself off of birth control right after the wedding, hoping that my cycles would even out while he was gone. We started trying right after he came back which was a little over 2 years ago. My cycles got out of control again but Tricare refused to refer me to a specialist because we hadn’t been trying for a year yet even though things were obviously not right.

Finally after a lot of crying in the doctor’s office a year later, the doctor finally gave me the referral I was waiting for. It took almost a month and half to get the referral approved and an appointment made. We were so excited to finally see someone who knew what they were talking about. I had a bunch of blood tests done before we went so he’d know what was going on. We finally got into see the doctor and I think he spent a total of 5 minutes with me. (I’ve suspected for awhile that I may have PCOS but he didn’t want to hear any of that). He prescribed Provera to bring on a cycle and told us he’d see us in 3 months. He hardly looked at the bloodwork I had done, didn’t want to examine me, nothing. Of course the Provera didn’t work and they refused to see me until the 3 month mark. They gave me some kind of shot which was supposed to bring on a cycle and it did finally. I started Clomid and I had asked if they needed for me to check in with them while I was taking it and they said no. 4 cycles of Clomid later plus 10 extra pounds (ugh), I finally got a positive test on Feb 7. We were beyond excited and kind of shocked.

Fast forward to March 25th for my 11 week appointment – it should have been a week later but we were getting ready to move to Arizona. The doctor pulled out the u/s machine so we could see our baby for the first time. As she was getting the equipment ready, a strange feeling came over me that we were going to get bad news. She couldn’t find anything in the sac and immediately sent me to radiology. They couldn’t find anything either. I was so confused and frustrated because I suffered such bad all day sickness and was puking my brains out for the last month. After seeing yet another doctor, we were told that I had a missed miscarriage. The OB found the baby within the sac but baby stopped growing at almost 7 weeks. Unfortunately, my body didn’t get the memo because I had nausea up until the day of my D&C.

I had the D&C done on April 2 – just a week before we were scheduled to drive across the country to Arizona. I had no complications or side effects from the procedure which I’m thankful for. A month later and I still feel bitter and sad. I can’t seem to lose the weight that I gained from the drugs which is making me even more angry. I eat healthy and work out religiously every day. I’m tired of feeling this way and am ready to start feeling normal again. I hope it happens soon because I don’t like the person I’ve become.

We’re going to try again this month and I’m happy that we’ve been cleared to try again so soon. I’m scared though about what will happen when we get pregnant again. I know I’m going to be nervous and anxious until we get to see the baby on the ultrasound. I will try my hardest to protect this baby and give him/her what they need. I hope we get the chance soon.


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