I really believed that I wouldn’t have any side effects from the increased dosage of C.lomid. Totally wrong on that one. I’ve been taking it since Wednesday and the past 3 days have been particularly rough. I’ve been so emotional and I can’t stand it. Just thinking about the upcoming holiday makes me sadder than usual. I keep thinking that we should have a 2 month old baby to love, care for and to introduce to extended family at Christmas. Instead, I have to sit in this house with the dogs, thinking about what could have been.
I feel jealous because of my 4 friends who have December due dates are getting ready to welcome their own babies into the world. Why don’t I get my chance? I look at all the medicine I have to take everyday and can’t understand why this comes so easy to some, while others have to suffer through infertility. I was talking to a friend the other day and I told her I was going to try and be more optimistic about everything from now on. Optimism is currently absent from the picture. I really don’t like feeling sorry for myself but that’s just what’s going on right now. I found out that Evan will be headed off for another training session next month and we’ll miss out on my January cycle. If I don’t get pregnant this time around, we only have one more shot before deployment. I guess I’ll just have to call Dr. P. and figure out what the next step should be for February if needed. Will this ever get easier?