Why do bad things happen to good people?

I got an email on Wednesday from a fellow Army wife who I met when we were stationed in Georgia. Her and her husband recently PCSed but we have kept in touch through email and Facebook. She was very supportive and concerned when I had my second miscarriage in November. She told me that she was went through her second miscarriage about 2 weeks ago. My heart goes out to her and her family. I know the pain that she is going through and I wish I could do more for her. She’s currently on the wait list to be seen by the fertility specialist out there but I know firsthand how long the wait could possibly be for her. She was told that they won’t run any tests on her to determine why she could be miscarrying until she’s had 3 losses. I’ve also been told the same exact thing. Why should the policy be written this way? Why should women (and their families) have to be put through the pain of 3 losses before anything further can be done?

We’ve also been talking back and forth about how our feelings have changed over the years. When I got pregnant the first time, I was beyond excited. I couldn’t believe that I was finally getting what Evan and I were waiting for for so long. When I miscarried, I felt depressed, angry, and confused. It was so hard to get pregnant in the first place. Why shouldn’t I be allowed to have this baby? Why is it so easy for other women? What did I do to deserve the pain and heartache? Why shouldn’t I be allowed to be a mother?
When I found out I was pregnant again in October, I felt sheer terror. I was constantly questioning my symptoms and then the lack of symptoms a few days later. I took pregnancy test after pregnancy test so I could see that second line and be reassured that there was in fact a baby in there. I was constantly worrying and when I started to miscarry, I felt numb. I couldn’t believe that this was happening again but I didn’t want to feel the same way as I did before. My friend confessed that she hasn’t cried about this loss, she just feels angry. I told her that I didn’t really cry about my second one either. I still resent what has happened though. I’m sure if I get pregnant again, the anxiety and uncertainty will kick in again. I just really want this to happen for Evan and I and for all those other women out there who want a baby and have been trying so hard to make it happen. We deserve to be mothers too.
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13 thoughts on “Why do bad things happen to good people?

  1. Ash@Life As Lucy

    So awful and my heart goes out to you both! It's hard enough having trouble getting pregnant but to lose a pregnancy is just unbelievable to me. It's just not fair that people who don't deserve children get loads of them and those of us who have all the love in the world to give either can't have a child or can't add to the family. It's sad. If you don't mind me asking, where is she at in Georgia. We are near Savannah and it worries me about some of the stories I've hear around here!

    Reply
  2. Erin

    It is so true, once you have experienced a loss, you can't feel the same way about a positive pregnancy test. Although, I have had a healthy child because of previous loss, the minute I find out I'm pregnant I go into pure anxiety mode. I feel like I spend the entire first trimester waiting for the other shoe to drop.

    Reply
  3. Brittany

    I was just talking to my husband about this same topic this morning. I know that the next time I get pregnant, there will be a slight moment of joy, quickly crushed by fear and worry. It's so unfortunate that we will never be able to TRULY have that exciting feeling again.

    Reply
  4. Kelly

    Never ever is a +HPT the same after a loss, let alone more than one. My heart goes out to both of you for what you're going through.I understand that her situation is different, but is there a way for you to find another doctor that won't insist on another loss for testing? Before I switched to my RE (after my 3rd loss), my OB was willing to do some basic testing after my 2nd loss. Not knowing why makes it even more difficult.

    Reply
  5. Kelly

    Never ever is a +HPT the same after a loss, let alone more than one. My heart goes out to both of you for what you're going through.I understand that her situation is different, but is there a way for you to find another doctor that won't insist on another loss for testing? Before I switched to my RE (after my 3rd loss), my OB was willing to do some basic testing after my 2nd loss. Not knowing why makes it even more difficult.

    Reply
  6. Shannon

    This post breaks my heart. I know exactly how this feels losing my first baby last year to miscarriage and watching others around me in the military do the same. What's harder is seeing those who have no problem getting pregnant and it being THE NORM to have babies by now if you are a military spouse. I'm really thankful I don't live near an Army post anymore for that reason. It was exhausting.I'm hopeful for you and for your friend that you will get your someday baby. I completely agree that having to endure three losses is unacceptable. I have stated that next time we decide to TTC, I will find a doctor who will allow me to be on progesterone BEFORE TTC so I can prevent another MC. I'm not going to go through 2 more just to prove a point.Hugs xoxoPS. In totally random, off topic, funniness…my word verification word is "SHEMAN" LOL 😉

    Reply
  7. Amy @ Flowery Fashion

    Both of your lossed make me sad- I'm scared that when we start trying that it's going to happen to me too as getting pregnant was very difficult for my Mom, and I have endometreosis too…Where was your husband stationed in GA? Mine was at Stewart… It's a 'small Army', so I figured I'd ask…

    Reply
  8. Michelle

    Ive lost 2 babies. It was very hard for me. I felt like a dud. . I usually miscarried around 8 weeks. I was heart broken. Then I got pregnant again, and I had them test my hormones, and it came back I had low progestrone. Thats why I was miscarrying. I dont know if this has been something Dr.s have checked into for you, but I thought id mention it. -M-

    Reply
  9. Lauren

    Michelle, Yes, progesterone is a suspected issue that's why my doctor put me on progesterone supplements during my 2 week wait. If I would have gotten a positive HPT, then I would have stayed on them through the first trimester.

    Reply

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