Looking back

3 years ago we started the whole TTC process. I always had a feeling that it would hard to conceive because I’ve had a long history of irregular cycles. However, I never thought that 3 years later we still wouldn’t be parents. I know way too much about basal body temperatures, charting, cervical mucus, and fertility medications. I feel like being infertile has become part of my identity. I feel like we’re on this never-ending rollercoaster ride of frustration and disappointment. Every time it seems like we’ve figured out the next step, it doesn’t work. I’ve been questioning my PCOS diagnosis lately. I’ve been on the M.etformin since last June and it doesn’t seem to be helping the ovulation problem. I got pulled off the injectibles about 2 and a half weeks ago and even though I had a ton of mature follicles, I still haven’t ovulated. Things don’t seem to be adding up. I called Nurse D on Monday and heard back from her yesterday afternoon. She said if AF still hasn’t shown up by CD 35, to head over to the lab for bloodwork. CD 35 will be on Tuesday and with my temperatures all over the place, I know for sure I’ll be headed over for another draw.

Even though this infertility journey has sucked, there are 2 positives that have come out of it. First, I think Evan and I have grown closer. He’s been there for all the ups and downs and offers endless support. He wants to be a dad just as much as I want to be a mom so he’s onboard for whatever treatments we have to do. This whole deployment thing is really the only roadblock to proceeding with IVF. Second, I’ve met some wonderful, strong ladies who are having their own struggles with infertility. It’s amazing to talk to and hang out with other women who are having the same emotions as I am. They make me feel like I’m not alone in this journey even though sometimes it feels like I am. It’s nice to be able to talk about my frustrations and worries with people who actually understand where I’m coming from. Thank you so much for being there.
Hopefully this time next year, I won’t be writing a post about being on this journey for 4 years. Even though it doesn’t seem like it all the time, I do remain positive that I will get my miracle baby. It has to happen sometime doesn’t it?
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3 thoughts on “Looking back

  1. Brittany

    I'm sorry that you are feeling frustrated, and I hope you get some new answers soon. You know that we are always here for you!! I am eternally grateful for having you in MY life! It definitely makes things a little more bearable. Hang in there, and call if you need anything!!

    Reply

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