Some good news but some conflicts also

I went in for another ultrasound appointment bright and early this morning. I only had to wait about 10 minutes to be seen – something usually unheard of at my doctor’s office, so that was a nice surprise. I checked out the ultrasound on the screen and lo and behold there were follicles! Granted, the largest one was only at 10 mm, but they’re on their way. Nurse D drew my blood and told me (as usual) that she would call me this afternoon with my numbers. I was shocked to hear that my estradiol levels were actually at 94 which corresponds for once with the follicle count/sizes. I go back in for my next ultrasound on Wednesday to see if any progress has been made.
Onto the conflict… E. and I were chatting this afternoon and he told me that the whole IUI thing was making him uncomfortable. He said it would be weird if I got pregnant while he was gone. He also said that he wouldn’t like it if he wasn’t around for the pregnancy. I understand where he’s coming from, but don’t tell this to a hormonal woman in the middle of a treatment cycle. I’m glad he’s sharing his thoughts and feelings about everything, but why now? We both agreed that freezing was a good idea so we could keep trying during the deployment. We agreed to go through this IUI (and to be perfectly honest with you, I was going to finish it out anyway) and maybe not go through with the last one if this doesn’t work. Personally, I want to go ahead and just go through with the last IUI if necessary. I want to feel like we exhausted all of our options before doing IVF in the spring. If I don’t, I’m always going to wonder “what if?” If I had it my way (something that seems to never happen when it comes to the crap), I’d get pregnant over the summer, so he could be here for the end of the pregnancy and the birth of our child. If we have to wait until April to do IVF, sure he’ll be here if I get pregnant, but they’re already talking about a fall deployment. If that happens, he’ll potentially miss the birth and the first few months. Ugh. What to do, what to do? Keeping my fingers crossed for a positive appointment on Wednesday and we’ll go from there….. Why does life have to be so complicated and frustrating sometimes?

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