The title of this post pretty much sums it up. I’m going to keep it brief at this point because I’m still trying to wrap my head around all of this.
I decided to POAS on Friday morning (9dp3dt) just because I couldn’t hold out any longer. Negative. My RE’s nurse just happened to call and check in that afternoon, so I confessed that I took a test. She told me that it might still be too early and to try again tomorrow or Sunday. I tested again on Saturday. Another negative. Cue the bright red spotting just as I was getting ready to head out to a fellow IFer’s baby shower (if this isn’t irony, I don’t know what is).
The spotting only lasted for a few hours then stopped. Maybe late implantation? When I woke up on Sunday morning, there was blood, blood, and more blood. There may have been some small clots but it was really hard to tell. I had a strong feeling that this was all over on Friday, but this definitely confirmed it for me.
I dutifully continued my progesterone and baby aspirin regimen as directed by my RE even though I knew it was worthless at this point. I went in for my beta this morning and to talk about FET with RE nurse. Since my clinic is military-run, fresh IVF cycles are not performed every month. FETs are scheduled based on fresh IVF cycles. The next fresh cycle isn’t scheduled until August, which means no FET for me until August. Looks like I’ll start BCPs and L.upron sometime in July.
Beta results came in around 2:30 this afternoon – HCG = 0.5 and progesterone = 8.7. While my RE nurse told me that the progesterone is on the low side because of the lack of HCG in my system, I still want to pursue other options/tests before FET.
Emotionally and mentally, I’m drained. I cried all morning on Friday. Cried Saturday. Cried Sunday. Cried this afternoon. I can’t cry anymore. The odds were in our favor this time – 2 “perfect” embryos were transferred and my body, for some reason, couldn’t support them. I feel so defeated. So lost. Heartbroken. I guess all I can do now is focus on losing these 10 pounds from these meds and be healthier for FET. Maybe next time our ending will be a happy one.