Another Failure

I found this afternoon that FET #1 was a officially a failure.

My first beta was actually last Thursday due to the 4 day military holiday even though it was 2 days earlier than it should have been. My HCG level came back at a 1.3 and my progesterone came back at a 22, which is by far the highest it’s been on any treatment cycle. Because of the higher progesterone number, my RE believed that there was a chance of late implantation. I was told to start testing on Saturday morning since my next beta wouldn’t be until Tuesday morning.

Saturday morning came and I tested. Only one line. I tested on Sunday. Only one line. I tested on Monday. Still only one line. I didn’t even bother to test this morning.

People kept telling me to stay positive and hopeful, but deep down I knew that my body had failed us once again. The nausea and headaches that I had felt last weekend had disappeared. My boobs only slightly hurt thanks to the massive amount of hormones surging through my body.

I went in for my blood draw this morning and waited. The phone rang around noon and my nurse delivered the news that I was anticipated. Not pregnant. My HCG levels dropped to below 0.5. I was told to stop my meds and that she was very sorry that this wasn’t our time. I wondered how many times I had received that same call. The 10th time. This was the 10th monitored cycle that was unsuccessful.

I told my nurse that I wanted to make a follow-up appointment with Dr. P. to find out his thoughts and opinions on whether or not we should go through with more treatments.

Right now I’m on the fence. Do we try IUI again while we wait until the next IVF cycle in January? Do we pursue more testing? Do we just wait until January rolls around and do IVF again? Do we stop treatments all together and continue on the road to domestic infant adoption?

I’m scared to try anything else because I’m scared of the heartbreak. We’ve been dealing with infertility now for 4 and a half years. All we have to show for these past 4 and half years are 2 angel babies, 10 extra pounds, over $10,000 spent, and an endless amount of tears and emotional pain. We also lost 8 embryos in a matter of 4 months.

I’m lost. I’m devastated. I’m furious. I don’t know what to do. My heart is broken and I don’t know how to put it back together.


11 thoughts on “Another Failure

  1. KC

    I am truly sorry to read this. It is so heartbreaking. Infertility is so difficult and hurts so deep down inside. I am sending you strength and prayers. I hate when it feels like you just can't catch a break. Thinking of you and wishing I could do something that could make things better. Take care of youself!

  2. MrsMcDancer

    Nothing I can say can make it any better, nor can it adequately express how very sorry I am that this was not your time. My heart and prayers are with you and your husband!

  3. Rebecca

    Sorry for your loss Lauren. Unfortunately I can understand it after two failed IVFs and numerous failed IUIs. We are hoping to move on to donor eggs. I'm hoping that your RE office will be able to give you a bit of insight into what is the cause if its egg quality issues, immune response, or possibly endometriosis.


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