- I haven’t been around much to blog because I’ve been teaching in the same kindergarten classroom for the past week. It was supposed to be a long-term position, but the school already hired a new teacher. My last day will be on Halloween. Honestly, I’m bummed out that this job will be coming to an end. I love the students and have enjoyed creating and teaching my own lessons. Also, I’m slightly bummed that I won’t be receiving long-term sub pay because I will only be in the classroom for 8 days. You have to be in the classroom for 10 consecutive days to receive long-term pay. It wasn’t a huge difference in pay, but every little bit helps.
- E got officially accepted to grad school on Thursday! He applied for a faculty position at West Point last year and got accepted. Even though he already has a Master’s degree, he has to get another one in the area that we will be teaching. We knew that he would most likely be accepted, but were waiting on the official word. Now we have it and we are scheduled PCS sometime in the spring. We’ll end up PCSing twice in one year. Good thing we’ve done it before so it shouldn’t be too overwhelming.
- I received word about another possible long-term sub (hopefully this is actually long-term) position starting in mid-November. It would be in pre-K classroom, which means I would have two groups of students each day. The job isn’t bad because I only teach in 2 and a half hour blocks.
- We’re starting to gear up for the holidays. Can you believe the holiday season is upon us again? It feels like I was just buying Christmas presents for everyone. We’re hosting Thanksgiving dinner this year and I’m excited about cooking! I’ve been planning my menu for a few weeks now. I’m also hosting a cookie swap party for a few friends in December. I’ve been gathering ideas on Pinterest and having a hard time deciding what type of cookie I want to make. Any ideas? What are your favorite holiday cookies?
- Speaking of December and the holidays, I’m about a month out from my 30th birthday. I’m a little apprehensive about it. Totally not where I dreamt I would be in terms of our family.
- I’m getting ready to start another injectibles cycle. Hopefully if everything goes as planned, I should be starting my injections on Monday morning and going in for my first monitoring appointment the following Monday.
Today, October 15, is National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day. This is a day to acknowledge and remember all those babies that were lost too soon.
According to the website October15th.com, this day of remembrance is a day “when all grieving parents could come together and be surrounded by love and support from their friends and families, a day where the community could better understand their pain and learn how to reach out to those grieving. This would be a day to reflect on the loss yet embrace the love. While our babies’ lives were so brief, they were also very meaningful.”
Today I will be remembering our two babies as well as the babies of so many friends. I truly wish I didn’t know so many people who have had to experience this heartbreaking pain.
1 out of 4 pregnancies end in miscarriage. This is sad and shocking statistic. It is also sad and shocking that miscarriage and infant loss are still such taboo topics to talk about. I’ve been open about my miscarriages with family and friends for the past 2 years. I’ve received amazing support from some and have been ignored by others. I know there are many people who are not comfortable talking about their experiences with loss. I wasn’t for the longest time. I wish that people would be more accepting and willing to offer support to those who are in need. I’m so lucky and grateful to those who have offered me support over these past 2 years of dealing with loss and 4 and a half years of dealing with infertility.
The other week, I learned that our Army post was holding a walk to remember event on October 11. I was shocked to learn that the Army was recognizing pregnancy and infant loss because again, this is such a taboo topic. My amazing friend Brittany and I participated in the walk together. Before the walk began, one of the chaplains talked about his own experiences with pregnancy loss. I was saddened to learn that his wife had experienced 3, first trimester losses. Since they didn’t know the gender of their babies, they fondly named their babies Peanut, Button, and Jellybean. It broke my heart as he spoke of his children and how he understands our pain. I cried along with him and others as he recalled his experiences and relived these painful memories. I’ve never experienced a man speaking so candidly and honestly about his experiences with miscarriage. He also talked about how these experiences tested his faith in God. This was especially interesting considering his given profession. He has made peace with God and I really wish that I could say the same.
After the short ceremony, the entire group walked 1 mile in remembrance of our children. After the walk, there was a reveal of a sculpture dedicated to all those babies who have been lost. We placed river rocks beneath the sculpture that had the names of our babies written on them. I plan to visit this area the next time I have an appointment at the hospital. It is nice to know that there is a quiet place where I can reflect and remember my experiences with my babies.
I’ll always remember our babies especially on this day of remembrance. Please light a candle at 7PM to remember and celebrate all of our lost babies.
The dreaded day rolls around yet again. Today, October 13, is the due date for our first angel baby. This is the day that our son or daughter would be turning 3 years old.
3 years later and the memory of what should have been still stings. It makes my heart hurt just typing these words. We should have a walking, talking, smiling, giggling, amazing child. We should be gathering together with family and friends to celebrate another wonderful year of our child’s life. Unfortunately, this isn’t happening and I’m not 100% sure that it ever will.
As the years pass, you think this would get easier. That I would start to forget all the dates surrounding my pregnancies. Each milestone day – the day we found out we were pregnant, the day we found out the pregnancy wasn’t viable, the due date – is fresh in my mind.
I participated in a remembrance walk on Thursday night and learned that it’s ok not to stop grieving. That it’s ok not to forget. I will never, ever forget my first and second babies.
Happy 3rd Birthday, Angel Baby. Mommy and Daddy still think about you often. We love you and miss you and hope that you’re keeping your brother or sister company up there in heaven. Please watch over us and send us another child soon.
E decided to participate in a local triathlon this weekend since the tri season is wrapping up for the year. I had the opportunity to snap some great pictures before and during the race, so I thought I would share some with you!
Some of you may also be wondering where we are in our fertility journey at the moment since I haven’t really posted any updates. Currently, I’m on birth control pills so we can cycle again at the end of this month. We have decided to go forward with injectibles, but no IUI. If this cycle (and possible the next) is unsuccessful, there is a strong possibility of doing another round of IVF in January. We’ve opted not to do IUI in November and December because it doesn’t increase our chances much and we would rather put that money towards our IVF fund.
I began working about a month ago as a substitute teacher, so my paychecks are being moved directly to our savings account. I don’t make much, but every little bit helps. I’m enjoying working with Pre-K, kindergarten, and first grade students and recently got offered a long-term sub position in a kindergarten classroom. The teacher is leaving, so there is a possibility of interviewing for the full-time position. It would be great to get my first year of teaching under my belt before PCSing in the spring. Our path for E’s next job isn’t 100% finalized yet, so that will be another post for another time.
A little over a year or so ago, I joined Twitter because I was seeking out support during my journey with infertility. I’ve “met” so many amazing women who have made this journey a little more bearable. One of those ladies was EJ or as some of you know her as @EndoJourney. Like myself, EJ has battled infertility over the years and finally became pregnant on an IVF cycle.
Unfortunately, she’s had numerous complications over the course of this pregnancy and has gone into preterm labor. She has been having contractions for weeks and her water broke the other night at only 23 weeks. While she is being given medications to help keep her sweet baby boy (known as MB) in for as long as possible, it is unclear when she will actually give birth to MB.
I don’t pray often or ask people to pray for others either. I have a very rocky relationship with the man upstairs, but that’s another post for another time. Tonight I’m putting my own feelings and beliefs aside and asking for you to pray for EJ, her husband, and MB. They could use all the prayers and good thoughts that people are willing to pass along. Right now, EJ is only a few days away from 24 weeks, which is the viability milestone that every mother anxiously awaits. Please pray that MB stays put until at least 24 weeks, if not longer. The longer he can stay put, the better.
Also, if you have a minute, please visit EJ’s blog and offer some support.
EJ – MB’s Twitter aunties and I are sending along so many good thoughts, prayers, and hugs to you all. We’re all pulling for you and MB. Hang on for just a little while longer baby boy.