Why Surrogacy Is Not For Me

Let me preface this post by saying that these are my personal opinions on surrogacy. I’m not implying in any way that surrogacy shouldn’t be an option for others.

Ever since our first IVF cycle failed, a few people have asked me the question, “Have you ever considered surrogacy?” My response to the question has always been, “We have, but it’s not an option for us.”

Said people have asked why we won’t consider surrogacy as an option to expand our family. I have three reasons.

1. I want to know what it feels like the be pregnant. I want this coveted job. Even though I’ve been pregnant twice (three times if you count the chemical pregnancy), I’ve never actually felt my babies moving. I’ve never felt the kicking. The only thing I’ve felt is the nausea. I want to experience movement. I want to experience labor even though the thought of it terrifies me. I want to see my baby in my stomach up on the ultrasound screen. I’ve been robbed of all these wonderful experiences and moments so far.

2. The chance of another miscarriage. We don’t know why our embryos aren’t sticking around. It could be chromosomal issues or implantation issues. Hell – it could be a combination of both for all we know. I don’t want to risk putting someone else through a miscarriage. Miscarriages are physically, emotionally, and mentally devastating. Based on my past history, I couldn’t risk it.

3. Cost. Surrogates can cost upwards of $20,000+. We didn’t even pay that much money for a round of IVF. If we did decide to go down the surrogacy route and it didn’t work, then we wouldn’t have enough funds for adoption.

Does anyone else share my views (or at least some of them)? I feel like they’re all rational and shows why surrogacy is just not a good option for my family.

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9 thoughts on “Why Surrogacy Is Not For Me

  1. Jen

    I respect for opinions and views. You have to do what is best for you. We have considered surrogacy but only if my sister does it and she has graciously offered it to us.

    Reply
  2. Fran

    These are all very valid reasons, I think the one that would get me would be your first reasons – I want that experience so bad as well.

    Reply
  3. brittany johnson

    You have good reasoning behind this. We can't have kids either and this isn't even an option for us. I feel that everyone has their own views, some things are good for others like it would be for someone else.

    Reply
  4. Brittany

    Totally rational. It's not for everybody & you have to do what's best for you & E. Hang in there, love. I hope you get these experiences very, very soon. ❤

    Reply
  5. Rebecca

    We did consider surrogacy but then my friend wasn't able to do it. Not that it would have mattered much since using my eggs wouldn't have produced a viable pregnancy. We opted to continue to use my uterus and go with donor eggs. I'll still get the pregnancy and a child though it won't genetically be mine.

    Reply
  6. Ashley

    I think these are all great reasons. You have to do what is best for your family and I hope you do get to experience baby movements and labor. I don't think I could have ever done surrogacy either unless it was a close family member (my mom actually offered) but even then there is just so many other factors to consider.

    Reply
  7. Jenny

    Those are all very valid reasons. It's so easy for someone on the outside to just suggest a route because it's not actually their life.We'd been asked numerous times why we just didn't adopt. And we had various reasons for not wanting to.It all comes down to what path you are willing to walk in life. No one else can walk it for you.

    Reply

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