It’s been quiet around these parts because I’m still trying to wrap my head around our chemical pregnancy from IVF #2 and our upcoming FET cycle. I’ve been trying to keep busy with work and trying to tone up before yet another round of drugs and a transfer, but sometimes my mind wanders back to our constant cycling and countless failures. We’re embarking on our 4th transfer in a little over a year. Our 5 year TTC anniversary is next week. E turns 31 at the end of this week. Is this where I thought we’d be at this point in our lives? Most certainly not. I figured by the time I turned 30 and E turned 31, we’d have at least one child, maybe two. I’m trying so hard to push away the negative thoughts and focus all my energy on being positive that this transfer could be it. Honestly though, it’s hard.
I’m thankful that I don’t have to go through all the stimming and another egg retrieval. An FET protocol is fairly simple in comparison to an IVF cycle. I’ve been on birth control for about two and a half weeks now and will continue for another week. My L.upron is scheduled to arrive sometime on Thursday and I’ll be starting once a day injections on Saturday that will last for 20 days (ugh). I’m hoping that the migraines stay away this time around. I’ll begin E.strace to build up my lining on the 12th. I’ll slowly work my way up to taking this pill three times a day. My transfer date is set for the 30th and I don’t think that date will change.
The big decision that we have hanging over our heads right now is how many embryos to transfer. We transferred three with this last IVF cycle and our RE is advising three again based on our track record. Currently, we have seven embryos in storage. I think that we’re going to move forward with three and hope that at least one will decide that he or she wants to stick around this time. I think what I’m most terrified about is another terrible thaw (like with FET #1) and that this will be it for us. We made a mutual decision months ago that this last IVF cycle would be our last retrieval. I’m physically, emotionally, and mentally done with the process. However, I’m also scared that this will be our last transfer ever.
On May 11 we’ll know where we stand. Will we be presented with an opportunity to finally become parents or will we be mourning the loss of more (possibly all remaining) embryos? I hope that it’s the first option. Only time will tell.