Confession Time

There’s one phrase that I’ve seen floating around lately that has been rubbing me the wrong way – “You deserve it”.

Of course I mean this in regards to someone finally achieving pregnancy status. Don’t get me wrong though, I’m happy for everyone who wants to get pregnant when they finally achieve this long-awaited goal. However. Doesn’t everyone who wants to get pregnant for the right reasons deserve to be pregnant? Doesn’t everyone deserve the love of a child if that’s what they want in life? Doesn’t everyone deserve to grow their family if that’s what they desire?

I was chatting with a good friend about this statement and related questions just the other night. As we were discussing this, she made a valid point – “By saying you deserve it, that says that anyone who can’t make it happen is because they don’t deserve it.”

This got me thinking. What if our last FET cycle is a bust? Does that mean that I don’t deserve to be a mother to biological children? What if for some reason adoption falls through? Does that mean that I don’t deserve to be a mother to any child? These thoughts make me question life decisions that I have made in the past. What did I do that was so wrong that I don’t deserve to be a mother?

I guess all I’m saying in this mini confessional is to think before you make this statement. Realize that there are so many men, women, and couples who want to expand their family, but can’t. Everyone equally deserves to achieve their goal of being parents in some way even if that means not achieving pregnancy.

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7 thoughts on “Confession Time

  1. Jodi @sovagirl

    I agree so much with this statement. It has always bothered me too and also when someone says “they are so blessed”, does that mean, I can’t be blessed?!

    Reply
  2. Robyn :)

    Not sure the word I am looking for to describe this post, but you make an excellent point. I do not think I have ever told anyone they deserved it when they have gotten pregnant. I usually just stick with congratulations.

    Reply
  3. Casey

    Sending you love. I hope I have never said that because I completely agree with you. Deserve is such a loaded word. I have been hearing that too and it makes me wince. I hope and wish for you that you and your dh get your baby and sooner than later. This was a really important message to put out there. xoxo

    Reply
  4. Wife of a Sailor

    I actually had someone say that to me today. I about strangled her. She also said that she KNEW I’d get pregnant when the time was right. And to put off trying so I can focus on my Navy Reserve stuff for a few months.

    But I think the “you deserve it” as a horrible phrase that puts down those who don’t achieve it is also a horrible phrase for most other things in life, too.

    Reply
  5. dogsarentkids

    I am guilty of this too. I do it to myself much more often than others, but your friend made a really good point. It’s one of those things you don’t realize is an insult to a major group of people into you’re in that group. Like most people say the R word (retarded) casually, but until I had a niece with a physical and mental disability, I never realized how insulting the word actually is.

    Reply
  6. alison

    I don’t think there is any rhyme or reason as to who can get pregnant and who can’t. (And that sucks!). Just like other bad things in life. I personally do not attach any meaning to it (being good=good things will happen, bad=bad things…it’s just not always true)….My guess is that if someone says “You deserve a baby”, it is probably their way of saying “You would make a good parent” (you would love, support, and care for a child).

    Reply

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