Monthly Archives: September 2013

Thursday Thoughts

thursday-thoughts

This is the seventh week of Thursday Thoughts hosted by Wifey, over at Wife of a Sailor. Every Wednesday, Wifey will post a new word that blog posts should be centered around. On Thursday, you’ll post your thoughts and head over to her blog to link up and share your post.

This week’s word is – Autumn

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Ah, Autumn. My favorite season. There are so many things to look forward to when autumn rolls around, especially now that we’re living in Central Virginia. I’m taking the easy route with this post and listing my top ten favorite things about autumn. Here we go!

1. The humidity disappears and the air conditioning can be turned off (Who doesn’t love lower electricity bills?). Hello, 70 degree weather. I love you.

2. Sweatshirts can make their seasonal appearance on my closet shelves. Even though sweatshirts come out from their hibernation, I still manage to wear flip flops until about mid-November (Don’t judge, because you know you do the same thing).

3. Football is back, which means my Sundays are now complete. My Eagles aren’t off to a good start (Where’s the defense?), so they better step it up or I predict a lot of screaming and throwing things at the television in my future. Hear that, Chip? Step it UP!

4. Fall television shows – The summer lineup never impresses me, so I always get excited when I start seeing previews for the fall shows. Current favorites include: Big Bang Theory, New Girl, Modern Family, How I Met Your Mother, Parenthood, Brooklyn Nine Nine, and Mike and Molly (Programming note: this will not premiere until mid-season. What?!)

5. Pumpkin baked goods – Pumpkin banana bread, pumpkin chocolate chip cookies, pumpkin spice pancakes, pumpkin cinnamon rolls. Notice I didn’t include pumpkin spice lattes (Ick) or pumpkin pie (Double ick).

6. Apple picking – The local orchard hosts an apple picking festival every weekend in October. I’m looking forward to stocking up on gala, red delicious, and granny smith apples. I can’t wait to bake them into pies, cobblers, and crumbles (Raise your hand if you think E and I will be going into sugar comas by Thanksgiving? Me! Me!)

7. Fall foliage – Reds and yellows and oranges. We have grand plans to drive through the Blue Ridge mountains so I can take pictures of the leaves changing. Be on the lookout for those in a future post.

8. Thanksgiving – I love to cook and bake and hope to contribute a lot to this year’s grand feast. Last year’s contributions included an herb roasted turkey, gravy, oatmeal walnut apple pie, and rolls.

9. Halloween candy – I don’t know if we’ll get many trick-or-treaters in the apartment complex, but you know I’ll buy one bag of candy. Now for the big decision – M&M’s or Three Musketeers?

10. Visits to the local farm for pumpkin picking and a journey through a corn maze – We started an annual tradition of heading to a local pumpkin patch and picking our own pumpkins to carve and decorate. We also love to navigate our way through a good corn maze.

What are your favorite things about autumn?

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Thursday Thoughts

thursday-thoughts

This is the fifth week of Thursday Thoughts hosted by Wifey, over at Wife of a Sailor. Every Wednesday, Wifey will post a new word that blog posts should be centered around. On Thursday, you’ll post your thoughts and head over to her blog to link up and share your post.

This week’s word is – Risk

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Before I got married, I wouldn’t have considered myself to be a risk taker. Realistically, I didn’t really become a risk taker until we started undergoing fertility treatments back in 2009. We risked the chance of having multiples. We risked the chance of something going wrong during our egg retrievals. We risked having our hearts broken at the end of every single two week wait.

Now – we’ve opened our hearts and lives to a whole new risk. Adoption.

The road to welcoming a child into our home will be long. It will be hard. It might be painful at times. However, we want to be parents more than anything, so we’re willing to take that risk. 

I would also like to touch on a different type of risk. The risk of being looked down upon when I decided to make our struggles and experiences public on Facebook a few years ago. While my posts have been ignored by some, many friends have shown support both publicly and privately. I was touched by an email sent by one of my college roommates after I recently posted that our TTC journey would be ending and our journey to adoption was just beginning. Here is an excerpt from that email –

You are such a special friend that I adore and think of every day. You are already a wonderful mother to your angels. I wish there was a way to make this all better for you. I wish we knew the reason for all of this. Don’t lose yourself in this struggle. You have the ability to love unconditionally and are so compassionate. There is a child out there that needs you and E more than we all know. What a special child it must be that is calling for you, made for you!

Most days I feel like people who haven’t experienced infertility firsthand can’t even begin to comprehend how our struggles and experiences have affected us. Every now and then though, a friend surprises me with his/her ability to empathize and offer support and love. It makes the risk of opening up our lives to people worth it. Sometimes the simplest words and/or a statement of support can mean the world to someone.

Thursday Thoughts and the End of a Chapter

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This is the fourth week of Thursday Thoughts hosted by Wifey, over at Wife of a Sailor. Every Wednesday, Wifey will post a new word that blog posts should be centered around. On Thursday, you’ll post your thoughts and head over to her blog to link up and share your post. 

This week’s word is – Decisions  

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Wow. What a word that conjures up a HUGE amount of emotions. Decisions.

Last week we were faced with one of our biggest decisions as a couple after we found out that our third and final FET wasn’t successful. Do we embark on a third round of IVF or do we stop fertility treatments for the forseeable future and pursue adoption instead?

I kept quiet about this FET cycle on the blog purely for superstitious reasons. I blogged openly about our IUI, IVF, and FET cycles in the past and clearly none of those cycles were successful. I thought if I kept things under wraps for the most part, things would turn out differently. In addition to not blogging about our most recent experience, we also changed our treatment protocol completely. Instead of estrogen and progesterone inserts, we pulled out the big guns. IM injections. Damn they hurt, but if they would help me get pregnant and stay pregnant, the pain and lumps would be worth it a million times over. 
 
E dutifully gave me my estrogen shots every third night in the beginning and then added in daily PIO shots a few days before our transfer. We drove down to North Carolina on August 19th and hoped that all three of our remaining embryos would have survived the thaw. Unfortunately, only one of the three survived. We thought out loud that this embryo was a fighter and had to be the one to stick around for the next nine months. Our RE and nurse both felt confident. Our little fighter was grade I and was already dividing. 
 
Last Thursday, we received the devastating news that this baby wasn’t meant to be. We couldn’t believe that over the span of two years, we lost 18 embryos. 18 embryos. What a terribly large number. In addition to finding out about our negative beta, we also had to pile in the car with two of E’s cousins to head up to Pennsylvania for his grandfather’s funeral. Not only did we have to deal with the emotions surrounding his grandfather’s death, we also had to try and process the end of a chapter in our own lives. 
 
I haven’t really had a chance to cry, yell, and scream, but the feelings of sadness, anger, bitterness, and resentment are all present and accounted for. After a few intense conversations, we came to a mutual decision that it’s time to close the almost six year chapter of trying to conceive and open the adoption chapter. As of right now, we’re researching agencies, talking with friends who have been through the adoption process in the past, and generally dealing with the emotions that come along with everything that has been going on. 
 
My body is beat up. My heart literally hurts. My brain cannot even begin to process going through another round of treatment. While I’m grieving because I’ll never carry another child, I want to be a mother. I want E to be a father. It doesn’t matter how we get there, I just want to make it happen. 
 
Right now – we’ll get there. Through domestic infant adoption. That is our final decision. 
 
I hope you’ll continue to stick around and join us as we begin this new chapter in our lives.