The Next Chapter

This post has been sitting as a draft for weeks now. Every time I go back to it, I delete what I’ve written previously and start over. The words are never right. My emotions scare me. Taking the next step means that we have to put a whole entire part of our lives behind us.

Today I’m determined to finish this post. To hit the publish button. To make myself move forward. To begin leaving the sad and angry feelings behind me. To look forward to making our happy ending happen.

It’s been almost five weeks exactly since we found out that our last ditch effort at having a biological child was a complete and utter failure. In the past almost five weeks, I’ve been angry, sad, resentful, and bitter. However, I’ve also been hopeful. Hopeful that adoption may bring us the child that we’re been longing for for the past six years.

After a week of keeping to myself, eating way too many pieces of chocolate, and generally being angry at the universe, we decided to start researching and contacting different adoption agencies. We knew what our budget would be, knew that we had to find an agency who would be willing to work with us in our current location as well as our future location, and knew that we wanted an agency that would treat us well as well as provide exceptional support and assistance to their expectant/birth mothers and fathers.

As I checked out multiple agency websites, I found out that choosing an agency was going to be a challenge. After finding several agencies that might be a good fit for us, I sent out emails to their coordinators. Some agencies emailed back. Some didn’t. Some wouldn’t work with us until after we moved in seven months. Some didn’t fit our budget.

The agencies that met our criteria through information we found on their websites and through information provided in return emails made it to the next round. The phone interview. We spoke to three agencies on the phone. We were impressed with two. The other one seemed like they were trying to sell themselves to us a little too much. Their contract terms also rubbed as the wrong way. In the end, we went with our gut and selected the first agency that we interviewed.

This agency has an office about an hour away from us and also has social workers who will be available to work with us once we move in the spring. Since our home study will hopefully be completed a few months before we leave, we’ll only have to do an update once we get settled into our new home. All of the employees we’ve had contact with so far have been nothing but professional and prompt in their responses. E’s parents (who are adoptive parents themselves) have several friends who have adopted through this agency and have shared their experiences with us. These stories made us feel even more comfortable with our decision.

Once we made our final decision, we printed off the pages and pages of paperwork that had to be filled out and submitted to the agency. We contacted potential personal references, looked up old addresses (who can remember addresses from 10 years ago off the top of their head?), and signed contracts and policy agreements.

We mailed off our application and the first of many checks to the agency on Monday afternoon. Much to our surprise, the agency contacted us on Wednesday to let us know that our application had been received and was being processed. Last night, my best friend sent me a text stating that she received her reference form and completed it for us that very same day. It seems like the agency is on top of things and is moving things right along for us.

While I was at the gym this morning, our newly assigned social worker left a message about scheduling our first meeting with her. I sent her an email back as soon as I got home, so hopefully we’ll be meeting with her later in the week if she has afternoon availability on Fridays.

This process so far has been exciting, yet scary. I’m excited that things are moving along smoothly so far and hope that things continue to move along nicely. It’s scary though to close the chapter on trying to conceive especially when that’s all I’ve known for the past almost six years. It’s strange not to be planning our next cycle. Not to be stabbing myself with needles every day. Not to have a sliver of hope that this next cycle could give us that child we’ve been hoping for.

Now we have a new path. A new chance to bring home the child who has been waiting for us. I know the journey will be long, but it’ll be worth it in the end.

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6 thoughts on “The Next Chapter

  1. Kelley

    Closing a chapter, and admitting that you’re moving on is a difficult part of the process. The rest you will handle with flying colors. Your agency sounds amazing and like the perfect fit! Happy to be here holding your hand through this awesome journey. xoxo

    Reply
  2. our last embryo

    Your new path is moving nice and smooth. Perhaps this is meant to be. Isn’t that what “they” say, when it’s meant to be, it just flows effortlessly? Sending love and light.

    Reply
  3. missohkay

    I found it so relieving to move past the TTC phase though. Not to say the grief evaporated immediately (or that it still doesn’t pop up) but adoption was a new challenge that I felt re-invigorated to tackle. I hope the same for you! Your child is out there somewhere 🙂

    Reply
  4. Robyn :)

    Praying for you. I am sure you will get lots of unsolicited advice and suggestions, but I do want to recommend the book Instant Mom by Nia Vardalos to you. It is written with humor and has a lot of good information and maybe some inspiration.

    Reply

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